Valentine Schmalentine

To all the Singles, and others who loathe Valentine’s Day:

I thought I’d break the Mills & Boons and Disney Dreams schmaltz (mostly seeded with advertising, in case you have not noticed) by writing for all those kindred spirits who feel nauseous at the very sight of everything related to this kitsch day decorated in an OK bazaars-come-Santa colour-scheme, complete with a traffic jam of that elusive symbol of bull, a heart. That’s not even what a REAL heart really looks like!

So, of course you think I am cynical. Anyone that uses such emotive language to describe something must FEEL something for it in the first place, right?
You probably think I’ve been burnt, and damaged. That my contempt is born of disembowelling disappointment and hurt. That this is merely a protective response, a mask to hide the bruised bits. That this is what my new familiar, Fear, has knitted to resist the elements. That I am a bitter, green little spinster who needs to get laid.

You’re probably right, in some respects! Whatever! I am at that wonderfully liberating age where I realize that I cannot control what people think of me or any untruths which abound. And I don’t care anymore! It’s in these seemingly dark chapters of life where the light suddenly goes on, if you’re looking for the switch. The big difference is that I have learnt from my lessons! It took me a while as I got a good few repeats. But I realized that I was flung this steady stream of supplementaries because I failed the test each time. Only when you pass it, do you get to climb off the jerk treadmill. And don’t worry about time and its anomalies, like ticking biological clocks and the undesirous effects of age. Life is going to have its way with you regardless! This all applies to both sexes, although I remain unashamedly inclined towards the fairer.

So what I plan to achieve by this missive is to aid myself and others, who are either way emotionally connected to this pubic (no, this is not a type-error, critic) holiday, to transcend into the freedom of indifference and get on with living YOU.

If you are single, so what! You’ll be single till you’re not. And you’ll be saving a whole lot of money in the interim. If you don’t want to be single, then do something about it, but realize that you’re most attractive (and less vulnerable) when you’re happy and being that way can’t come from anywhere but inside of you. If you’re scared, tainted or reticent due to past relationships having failed or turned sour for whatever reason, get rid of it. Meet a friend, drink too many bottles of a good vintage, start kickboxing, buy yourself a new outfit, watch a romantic comedy and bawl your mud-tinted eyeballs out…whatever works. You don’t move new furniture into a fully furnished room, without taking some old furniture out. If you’re pining after an old flame, ask yourself, seriously, if you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? And that perhaps there is someone more perfect for you on the horizon that you might miss out on while your attention is so futilely and pathetically diverted.

If you don’t want another bad trip, why would you follow the same map? Draw a new one and, this time; pay more careful attention to your self and what makes you feel most like you. And, for heavens sake, highlight the boundaries of the Province of You and make a pact not to have them invaded. Don’t just hear the alarm bells, listen to them. Be ruthlessly honest about ‘what works for you’ and ‘what doesn’t’. We make ourselves and each other far too complicated.

Lighten up and strengthen your vessel. A meeting of hearts is supposed to be complementary and FUN…not all-consuming. Stop comparing yourself with others. No one is an island or a textbook case and not everything is as it seems. Be happy for those infected…be grateful you’re not one of the negatively affected.

So, some people like Valentine’s Day, like some people like urinating garden gnomes as a feature in their rockery. Good for them, and good for business if you’re into greetings cards, chocolate, liquor or jewellery, to name a few! When the adverts run ad infinitum, you DO have the power to switch off the telly. Maybe, one day, you’ll celebrate it too, or celebrate it every other day.

Bottom line is, it’s just a date – a very commercialized date indeed. Let it be. If you feel desperately obliged to acknowledge its existence, and you’re flying solo in its wake… show yourself some love. How can someone else love you, when you don’t love yourself? Trust me, once you do that, the universe conspires to help everything else fall well into place.

The 14th February is just another day in the life of Nicole. And I shall wake up and do exactly what I feel like doing. And I shall be doing this with my ‘spontaneity’ rations on several other days as well... because I'm indifferent to Valentine's Day, but not indifferent to me.