(written by a woman for a woman)
Or: How not to be lonely whilst alone
Or: Satisfied Stoksielalleen
Essential prerequisites:
1.Imagination.
2.Healthy mind. (Okay, not always… mind altering substances, like red wine, can help)
3.Grateful heart.
4.Sense of humour.
5.Some semblance of intellect. (Although I might change my mind on this in good time, as I’m less of a fan of this daily)
6.Technology (This is optional. Like mind-altering substances, this also helps. You do, after all, need a hi-fi and good speakers, or an iPod, to listen to your favourite track, inter alia.)
If you lack any or all of these preconditions, then please don’t ever be alone, and… I am sorry.
Tips (in no particular order):
1. Get some movies that will help you express your current emotional state. Or hire a genre that is opposite to it. The reverse almost always applies.
2. If you’re a fiddler, start a new hobby (something others need never know about) like knitting or making jewellery. This is great for keeping those fingers busy whilst watching that movie. Some poor sod is missing out on a head massage or back tickle – shame.
3. Music. It’s very difficult to be unhappy when you’re dancing. And there’s nothing like dancing when nobody’s watching. Put on the music of your choice, and move to it or be moved by it. Warning: Try not to listen to repetitive music, especially whilst under the influence of mind-altering substances, as it can put you into a trance. It is difficult to function like this. Because you are on your own, safety comes first. No one will be around to save you, so you should remain in control of all your faculties.
4. Don’t phone a friend or family member for advice about why you’re lonely. Let’s face it; getting advice is irritating (delivered with good intentions, indeed, but your fault if you asked for it). Nobody can give the right advice for you better than you. Even more so, don’t phone a friend whilst under the influence of MA substances else you might end up phoning an ex or a ‘crush’ who does not even know that you exist.
5. Cook. Set yourself a candlelit dinner. Go through all the motions of preparation and cooking, with your favourite music playing and a good vintage or other preference on tap. Talk to yourself. Nobody’s listening – think about that! You can say anything you want to say. And there is no one around to tell you you’re mad. Go as far as shaving, sexy underwear, dressing up, perfume, styled hair, mouth gargled, jewellery, and heels – the whole shebang! Look in the mirror and remind yourself how gorgeous you are. Sit at the table and enjoy your meal set in an ambience of your liking. You can cry later, in that cold, clinical chamber of rationale, when you realize that your date didn’t pitch – and, worse still, that there never was one. No one need ever know this either. And crying is a scientifically-proven detox.
6. Take yourself out for a coffee. I choose coffee as this is the one thing you can afford no matter what your economic standpoint is. Much more practical advice than the broad scale ‘retail therapy’ offered by wealthy talk-show madams and their sponsors.
7. Read. It helps being literate in this instance. Reading is ultimate escapism. You have to concentrate or focus to read, so you’re less easily distracted than when you’re watching a movie, for example. If it’s a good book, one that interests you, time flies. And, of course, it’s great brain gym. Getting smarter is a considerably better option than getting sadder.
8. Write – or in modern context, more aptly, type. Express yourself. Say what you want to say. Writing somehow organizes and consolidates our thoughts. And it keeps you busy.
9. Exercise. If you let your body go, your self-esteem will plunge in sync. Let’s face it, allowing yourself to get floppy and fat is not going to benefit your relationship status either. Exercise is so good for you. You can while away time working off all your frustration, angst, bitterness, hurt (put someone’s face on the punching bag if you have to), etc. Concurrently, you can get a high from them endorphins (much cheaper than alcohol). And after every workout, you’ll be another step closer to in-your-face sexier.
10. Create. There must be a family member or friend’s birthday coming up soon. Make them an original card or gift. Put some serious thought into it. If that’s not your style, invent something, if only conceptually. Think about an innovation that makes life easier in some way – the human race remains preoccupied with time-saving and comfort-gaining. Don’t limit yourself to labels such as “I’m not creative”. You are your own special creation, and your mind is an untapped resource. Perhaps you had a shoddy teacher, or you faced way too much criticism at an impressionable age for whatever reason. Don’t lock yourself in a cage that others have created. On your own, in your own space, you are accepted and invincible.
11. Do what you LOVE to do. This requires knowing, intrinsically, what makes you tick. If you don’t know, then use your solitude to get to the bottom of it again. Who knows, maybe this is exactly why the Universe has left you to your own devices – so that you can get to know yourself again and be YOU. If you are in touch with you, do whatever it is that makes you joyful. Don’t worry about doing it alone, initially. When you are happy, from the inside, it’s infectious…and like-minded people will gravitate towards you.
12. If all else fails, go to sleep. This is a much better option than getting frustrated and resorting to bingeing and other discomfort / boredom responses. It’s so good for your skin, and you can go anywhere, be anyone and do anything in your dreams. The ‘airfare’ is unmatched.
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